Step One: Go through your closets, drawers and laundry and take out everything you want to take and place it into piles on your floor. A day later, vote half these items off the packing island. This will still probably be too much.
Step Two: Know that pouches are the shit. If you’re a crazy person like me you will have no less than 20 pouches swimming around your room and you can now efficiently segregate everything in your bag. My pouches include the following incredibly important categories:
- Underoos
- Things To Make Me Pretty
- Things That Plug In
- Shirts
- Items That Will Help Me Not Smell Bad
- Tiny Triangles For Water Excursions
- Liquid-y Stuff
- The Mysterious Pouch of Womanhood, and
- Band-aids For When A Shark Taste-Tests My Left Femur
Step Three: Forget to buy something incredibly important but remember to buy something very awkward so that you’re forced to carry a random shaped bag through multiple airports. This is so as many people as possible can stare at you. ACTUALLY this isn’t really a step so much as a warning. Don’t be like me. Because I do this EVERY.SINGLE.TIME. Like the time I carried an enormous silver disco ball cup through the Miami, Atlanta and New York airports. Or once a giant plastic sword, or that neon painting of a cartoon bird. This time it’s a bag of hot pink bunny Peeps and I’m going to count it as an improvement.
Step Four: Clean your room. Nobody likes to come home to a tornado of random clothing you forgot you owned and the trash you never took out. HINT HINT SELF.
